The best alcohol jokes

Three women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy". The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, women, ginger, blonde
A brain walks into a bar and says, "Ill have a pint of beer please. "The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I cant serve you." "Why not?" askes the brain. "Youre already out of your head."
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer
Q:How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking? A:He's nursing a Mike's Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay!
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
How do you caculate the population of Russia? You roll a bottle of vodka down the street.
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, alcohol
A lady went into a bar in Austin and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest feet she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady! Why don't you come on out to the bunk house and let me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thank ya Ma'am. I'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." "The woman replied, "Don't be flattered ...take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, money
He’s donating his body to science. And he’s preserving it in alcohol until they can use it.
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio? It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
This guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the guy and says" Have you seen Eileen?" The guy is rather confused and asked " Eileen who?" The bartender relies, "I lean over and you kiss my butt." Well the man was offended by this and walks out the door and into the bar across the street. So he sits down and orders a beer. While he is drinking his beer he tells the bartender what the other bartender said to him. The bartender then told him," You know what you should do, you should go back over there and ask him if he has seen Ben and when he says Ben who you say I bend over and you kiss my butt. So the guy goes back across the street and asks the Bartender if he has seen Ben. And the Bartender said " Yep, He just went out the door with Eileen." The guy asks" Eileen who?
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye." The bartender says, "Yeah, right! I've never seen anyone do that!" So the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. The angry bartender pays the man his fifty dollars and the man walks away. He comes back half an hour later and says, "I bet you fifty dollars I can bite my left eye." Now the bartender becomes really skeptical. She says, "I just saw you walk in here you can't be blind!" So he takes out his fake teeth and bites his left eye. The bartender pays him his money and he walks away.
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and swung him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me, I'm just looking around."
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender