Do you know what a plateau is?
It's the highest form of flattery!
Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder:
Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till i hit the ground?
The rest of your life...
An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESNT'T EXIST.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong...
God is clearly no fan of moonwalkers.
Could you imagine if God turns out to be a woman ?
Not only am I going to hell, but I will never know why.