Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.
Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine? A: They both don't work and always take your money.
Chuck Norris won one million dollars gambling playing Solitaire.
In Heaven: The cooks are French, The policemen are English, The mechanics are German, The lovers are Greek, The bankers are Swiss. In Hell: The cooks are English, The policemen are German, The mechanics are French, The lovers are Swiss, The bankers are Greek.
A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”
A blonde and her boyfriend are going through they're daily routine in the bathroom when there's a knock at the door. The boyfriend who is in the shower tells the blonde to go answer the door. The blonde puts on a towel and goes to the door. A man is standing there, and says "Hey hun, do me a favor." "What?" askes the blonde. "Drop the towel and I'll give you $500!." replied the man. The blonde drops her towel and jiggles her tits for the man at the door. "Thanks, a ton hun, i'll catch you later" says the man and he hands her the $500. The blonde walks back smilling to her boyfriend who had just got out of the shower. As he steps out, he says "Hey hun? I just thought I'd let you know John will be stopping by to pay me back that $500 he owes me!"
Womens are like computer virus... they ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... when you become an old version DELET you from the system
Yo mama so poor when I ring her buzzer she says, "bzzzzzzzzz."
We were so poor, we had to go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.