The best science jokes

The Question Mark was invented after scientists attempted to measure the speed of a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
An Army Officer with an under-trainee Cadet went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep. Some hours later, Officer awoke and nudged his cadet. "Charlie, look up and tell me what you see." Charlie replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Officer asked. Watson pondered for a minute and in order to impress his officer said "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that the lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Officer was silent for a minute, and then spoke. "Charlie, you idiot, somebody has stolen our **** tent."
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More jokes about: military, time, science
Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
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More jokes about: men, science, political, beer, women
Scientists believe that a giant meteor killed off the dinosaurs. This is true, if you can consider Chuck Norris to be a giant meteor.
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Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
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More jokes about: science, chemistry, nerd
Chuck Norris made Newton write 3 laws of physics just to break them... he was having a boring weekend.
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Physics is bound by the laws of Chuck Norris.
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Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.
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More jokes about: chemistry, winter, science
Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
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Newton's 3rd Law never applies to Chuck Norris.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science, celebrity