What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
A guy walks into an auto shop and says, "I'd like a gas cap for my KIA." The car mechanic thinks for a few seconds then says, "Ok, that seems like a fair trade."
Q: What do you call a computer expert? A: A control-alt-elite.
Chuck Norris once played with Legos. The result was The Great Pyramids.
A real man would never cry in public unless: He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master. Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt. Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
A presser in a tailor shop arrived one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring. One of the tailors noticed the sparkler and asked about it. "My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!
Chuck Norris installed his own home security system. It's called "Chuck Norris."
Two students talk: "What are you reading?" "Quantum physics theory book." "But why are you reading it upside-down?" "It makes no difference anyway."
Q: Have you tried Starbucks new hot beverage, Viagraccino? A: One cup and you're up all night.