Best jokes ever

What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
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A guy walks into an auto shop and says, "I'd like a gas cap for my KIA." The car mechanic thinks for a few seconds then says, "Ok, that seems like a fair trade."
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Q: What do you call a computer expert? A: A control-alt-elite.
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Chuck Norris once played with Legos. The result was The Great Pyramids.
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A real man would never cry in public unless: He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master. Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt. Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
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Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
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A presser in a tailor shop arrived one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring. One of the tailors noticed the sparkler and asked about it. "My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!
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Chuck Norris installed his own home security system. It's called "Chuck Norris."
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Two students talk: "What are you reading?" "Quantum physics theory book." "But why are you reading it upside-down?" "It makes no difference anyway."
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Q: Have you tried Starbucks new hot beverage, Viagraccino? A: One cup and you're up all night.
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