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Q: Why do hipsters love using the subway? A: Because its underground.
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Music teacher tells Peter: "I warn you, if you will not behave, as appropriate, I tell your parents that you have a talent for music."
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Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
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Contrary to what people say, you can indeed drink to relax. Of course sometimes, you get so calm, you cant move.
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Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops? A: Apparently they make you look hard.
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Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
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Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
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A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets em down on the bar. And then the bartender said "Now dont you start anything!"
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Q: Which Bible character had no parents? A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
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