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Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
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Question: What do you get if you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's witness? Answer: Someone who knocks on your door for no reason at all.
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More jokes about: atheist, religious
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
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More jokes about: animal
A guy picks up a pr*stitute and proceeds to spend a couple of hours with her at a seedy motel. A few days later, he finds that he has caught crabs. He chases down the prostitute and says, "hey bitch, you gave me crabs". She replies, "what'd you expect for ten bucks? Lobster?"
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More jokes about: dirty
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: With a knife.
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More jokes about: black humor
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."
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More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson
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More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, age, kids
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
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More jokes about: life, kitty, cat, poems, food
What do you name an Asian baby with problems? Sum ting wong.
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More jokes about: racist, asian, baby
There are no bombs, Chuck Norris just jumps out of a helicopter and punches the ground.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris