Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"
A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets em down on the bar. And then the bartender said "Now dont you start anything!"
A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says: "Hello world!"
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes? A real Christmas Card!
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny. "Let's play schools," said Jenny. "OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."
Q: Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? A: For kitty littering.
Q: What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf? A: "You hang around while I go on ahead."
2012 is the predicted date for the end of the world. The only rational explanation is Chuck Norris.
Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants then..."