A ventriloquist is sitting onstage at a comedy club. He and his dummy are spurting out really crude blonde jokes, when a blonde lady sitting in the audience stands up. "I'm so sick of you people who think blondes are stupid. It's because of you that I have had to try harder to prove myself at work and in the community. There are just as many dumb people with red or brown hair. There are just as many smart people with blonde hair." "Gosh, Miss, I'm terribly sorry. I was just telling jokes, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." "Shut up! I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that little jerk on your lap!"
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
A blonde walked up to a man and said, "Give me your wallet." The man said, "Okay, but give me the gun." The blonde gave him the gun and the man gave his wallet. The man used the gun to steal his wallet back. The blonde said, "You're an idiot...there's no bullets in the gun." The man replied, "You're the idiot...here's no money in the wallet."
A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it.... Cop: "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?" Blonde: "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65." Cop: "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!" Blonde: "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on." At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts. Cop: "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful." Blonde: "Oh... We just got off of highway 119".
A blonde and a both jump off a cliff at the same time. Which one will hit the bottom first? The brunette, because the blonde has to ask for directions.
A blonde was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. She ran into one of her friends. Her friend asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?" She tells her friend that she has some fish in the bag. The friend says, "Fish! Well, I'll make you a bet.If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The blonde says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A. Locking the car door.
Two blondes were running from the cops as they had just been caught sneeking over the border into Mexico. They dashed up to a fence and climbed over it, lights and sirens running behind them. As they arrived on the other side, they came face to face with a long river. One blonde said to the other. "Here I'll shine this flashlight over the water and you can walk accross the beam of light." The other said: "What do you think I am, stupid!? I'll get halfway accross and you'll turn it off!"
There's a blonde. She enters a laughing contest. There's 10 levels to the contest. She gets to the 9th level and bursts into laughter. The host asks her "Why did you laugh, you could have won." The blonde reply's, "I finally got the first joke."
Blonde cop pulls over blonde motorist. Cop asks the motorist to see her license so the blonde searches in her purse & tells the blonde cop that she must have forgot it at home. The blonde cop asks the blonde motorist does she have any other type of identification so she searches in her purse again, looks at a pocket mirror & says, "I have a picture of myself." The cop asks to see it so the blonde motorist hands over the pocket mirror. The blonde cop looks at it & says, "Well if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over."