The best car jokes

The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Vote: has 73.20 % from 102 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, car
Three men were drunk and they stopped a taxi. The taxi driver figured that they were not in their minds so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off and told them: "we have arrived". The first man gave him money. The second one thanked the taxi driver. The third one slapped him (the taxi driver). The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them had realized that the car didn't move an inch, but he faked surprise and asked the third man: "what was that for?". The drunken man replied: "control your speed next time! you nearly killed us!!!"
Vote: has 72.80 % from 79 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, money, car
Q: What do you call a white guy who needs to go somewhere across town but does not own an automobile? A: A taxi.
Vote: has 72.78 % from 493 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, white people, car, work
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance? A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
Vote: has 72.77 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, car, work, sex
A train saw Chuck Norris on the track and turned down a dirt road.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, travel, car
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?" The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?" The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
Vote: has 72.60 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, travel, cop, car, time
A guy goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy who's obviously been drinking for a while. The drunk gets up from his stool to go to the bathroom and falls down 3 times. The guy says to himself "I'll help this guy get home safely" and helps him out to his car The guy falls down five more times. He drives him up to the address on his license, takes him up to the door. The guy falls down 8 times on the way...and rings the bell. A lady answers the door and says "Oh how nice, you brought home Harry. But what did you do with his wheelchair?"
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, car, drunk
A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He says, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."
Vote: has 72.33 % from 69 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, bar, car, beer, sex
When Chuck Norris drives a Lamborghini, people assume the Llamborghini is compensating for something.
Vote: has 72.24 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, car
After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. "What’s the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: "That man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home… I just want her to stay with you guys."
Vote: has 72.01 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, baby, car, christian