The best dirty jokes

Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
Vote: has 65.52 % from 127 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, black people, black humor
Q: What does Barbie use as a tampon? A: A Tic-Tac.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

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A vampire goes into to the bar and and for a glass of hot water. The bartender says, "I thought you guys only drank blood." The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "We do, I'm making tea."
Vote: has 65.27 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What did the prositutes knee say to the other? A: Nothing. They have never met.
Vote: has 65.20 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris never gets dirty. The dirt is too afraid to even touch him or his clothes.
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

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An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling. The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.” The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, bar, romantic, sex, old people
A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.” The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!” “Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.” “Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!” “Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a BLOW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the ass!” The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!” “Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!” The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?” The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!” “Great!” He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shitty!” “Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”
Vote: has 65.14 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, wife, fish, dog
Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean? *Pulls his head to her thigh* Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish.
Vote: has 64.93 % from 112 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark!
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, math, technology, dirty