The best doctor jokes

Yo' Mama is so fat, when she visits the doctor, they need a forklift to get her on the examining table.
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat, doctor
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
Vote: has 51.28 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, doctor, women
A 90 year old women goes to the doctor. Dr i can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more. Well take these pills every day and come back in a week. Dr what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well! Oh very well , now about your hearing...
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, age, doctor, drug
Patient: "Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind. Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?" Doctor: "You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc."
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, doctor
Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell. A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, doctor, school, work
An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, old people, doctor
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, doctor
A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I’m horribly sick!” The doctor looks at her and asks, “Flu?” “No, I drove here.”
Vote: has 50.29 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, doctor
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. “How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her. “Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied. “What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?” “No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.” “So then?” asked the doctor. “Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.” “So then?” “Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, doctor, money
A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, "You have acute appendicitis." The blond yelled at the doctor... "A cute appendicitis! I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!"
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, doctor, stupid, medical