The best drug jokes

If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Vote: has 50.75 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, duck, drug, weed
A 90 year old women goes to the doctor. Dr i can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more. Well take these pills every day and come back in a week. Dr what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well! Oh very well , now about your hearing...
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, age, doctor, drug
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well, why are you all dressed up like a Fireman?"
Vote: has 48.13 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, wife, drug
An evening of Valentine's Day. A man comes to a drug store: "Good evening!" "Sorry, we are sold out..."
Vote: has 45.89 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, Valentines day, drug
Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have drug him a mile!
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, death, drug
What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist.
Vote: has 36.61 % from 146 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, drug
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
Vote: has 36.10 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, music, celebrity, alcohol, drug
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Vote: has 35.23 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drug, doctor, memory
Q: Why is there cotton in medicine bottles? A: To remind the black people they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.
Vote: has 33.95 % from 114 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, drug, black people
A boxer is whining to the doctor that he can’t sleep. I won’t give you any drugs, you don’t need any. Use the classical method, the one with counting the sheep’s. I tried. But, every time I get to 9 I jump off the bed.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, doctor, drug