What kind of noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster. (Try saying that fast!)
A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him. "How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully," replied the vet.
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh.
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
How can you tell that elephants have been doing it in your garage? All your Hefty Bags are missing.
In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.
Why couldn't the rabbit fly home for Easter? He didn't have the hare fare.
Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside? A: An elephant in a plastic bag.
"May I buy half a rabbit?" "No, we don't split hares."
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
Will I ever be able to race my horse again the owner asked the vet. The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you ll probably beat her too!"