Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark? A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus' time? A:Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
Q: Who was the smartest man in the Bible? A: Abraham. He knew a Lot.
Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible? A: He thought he saw a job.
Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A: Samson. He brought the house down.
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts." They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling. Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he turned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?" The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'peanuts'".
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me . . . they’re cramming for their final exam.”
A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem."
Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game? A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead. A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side. A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side. Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said: "Whoever did this to you needs help."