Your Momma is so fat, she takes her picture with Google Earth.
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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
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A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now".
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, dumbo!"
So I corrected myself, "Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
That's about as far as I remember.
A failure in a device will never appear until it has passed final inspection.
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Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Yo Mamas so stupid she was yelling into the mailbox.
We ask her whats she doing and she said, she was sending a voice-mail.
Yo momma so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!