Joke #13243

I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt. This must be a sign from God!" Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth." The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must surely be a sign from God!" The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this! Here's another miracle! My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break. Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune." The priest nods in agreement. The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest. The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?" The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.

I heard that the missionary position helps men to work out the chest and triceps... do you wanna help me verify this?

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?

A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sexy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money." "You wanna be my sugar daddy?" "Nope I'm diabetic!"

They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?

At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep. Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.

Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There's clearly room for more wine.