Joke #13390

I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week. I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with? Anything for the family.

After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment. And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.

Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. After all, he did kill Hitler.

Just found out that my Asian friend died last week... So Yung.

Mary held her little daughter, twenty minutes under water. Not to care for any troubles, just to look at those funny bubbles.

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Smith's mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Smith, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Smith his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that James mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, James!"

Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.

Yo mama so ugly that she died of fright when she looked in the mirror.