Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.
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My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
Q: How do you piss off a man?
A: Stand on his back and piss.
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
Got said, "Let there be light!"
Chuck Norris looked at him and said: "Say please."
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One day the teacher was asking the class about there weekends.
She asked sue, "how was your weekend?"
"Good."
Then little Johnny waved his hand "me, me, me."
Finally giving in said, "what did you do this weekend?"
"I rode in my wagon pulled by my dog and hit a steep hill. The wagon started going faster than the dog and the handle went up his ass."
"Rectum is the word you're looking for," she says.
"Rectum," said Johnny, "da man near killed him."
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Joke has 65.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: communication, dog, little Johnny, teacher, vulgar
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.
It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief.
After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.
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A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.
The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.
The man replies, “Come on, a dog?”
The owner says, “How about a cat?”
The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!”
The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I’ve got it! A centipede!”
The man says, “A centipede? I can’t imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay… I’ll try a centipede.”
He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, “Clean the kitchen.”
Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and… it’s immaculate!
All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling the floor waxed.
He’s absolutely amazed.
He says to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.”
Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room.
The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa plumped, plants watered.
The man thinks to himself, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!”
Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper.”
The centipede walks out the door.
10 minutes later…no centipede.
20 minutes later… no centipede.
30 minutes later… no centipede.
By this point the man is wondering what’s going on.
The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes.
45 minutes later… still no centipede!
He can’t imagine what could have happened.
Did the centipede run away?
Did it get run over by a car?
Where is that centipede?
So he goes to the front door, opens it…and there’s the centipede sitting right outside.
The man says, “Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What’s the matter?!”
The centipede says, “I’m goin’! I’m goin’! I’m just puttin’ on my shoes!”