A Jewish boy asked his father "Father, can you lend me 50 dollars?"
The father replied, "40 dollars, What do you need 30 dollars for?"
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I play the worlds most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.
My wife just nudged me and said, "you weren't even listening, were you?".
I thought, 'that's a strange way to start a conversation'.
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Innkeeper: "The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed."
Guest: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."
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Joke has 84.60 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, money, travel, work
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra."
Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!"
Wife: "You wear shorts!"
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine...
I always get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
The wife and I had come to town to pick up a few things.
We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb.
So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break.
But he paid us no attention and kept writing.
Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, "What a Bozo."
The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket.
I said, "Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he's so proud of himself, he's showing off."
The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third.
We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen.
Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street.
We didn't care about the tickets.
We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers.
Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused.
We feel it's important.
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Mum: "How would you describe me?"
Dad: "ABCDEFGHIJK"
Mum: "What does that mean?"
Dad: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, funny, graceful, helpful, intelligent."
Mum: "What about JK?"
Dad: "Just Kidding."
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Me: "I love you."
You: "Is that you or the wine talking?"
Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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English Class Teacher: "One day we will be corruption free. Which tense is it?"
Student: "Future impossible tense."