Joke #14083

Q: What do you call a man with no body, and only a nose? A: Nobody knows.

My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry. So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.

Pritam is driving down the Delhi-Amritsar highway when he spots his friend Shankar standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Shankar is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. Pritam gets out of the car, walks all the way out to Shankar and asks him, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" Shankar replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks Pritam, puzzled. "Well, I heard they give the Noble Prize to people who are outstanding in their field."

Your mama's so fat she asked for a water bed and we threw a blanket on the ocean.

Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."

A young man decided after 4 years of working nonstop at a decent paying job and saving the bulk of his earnings that perhaps it was time to settle down. He called up an old girlfriend from his high school days and she answered on the first ring. As they spoke and reminisced about old times she said to him "Wow, this has been great, I've really enjoyed speaking with you, but I must ask, where on earth did you find my number?" To which he replied "Honestly? I'm just as surprised as you are, I have been working as a jani tor in our old high school and just happened to see your number etched into the door of a boys bathroom stall! I'm amazed you still have the same number after all these years!" And she responded "Well, how else was I supposed to keep in touch with all the boys I used to sleep with?"

Q: Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert? A: "Yes, the red wire."

"I spent the whole evening knotsurfing!" "Don't you mean netsurfing?" "No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!"

What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."

Chuck Norris jokes are a oxymoron because Chuck Norris isn't a joke.

I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade. Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...