What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
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Psychiatrist: "What’s your problem?"
Patient: "I think I’m a chicken."
Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?"
Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"
How do rabbits get to work?
By rabbit transit.
Q: Did you hear the Energizer Bunny Was Arrested?
A: Charged With Battery.
Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos?
Czechs and stripes don’t mix.
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland.
The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."
"No, no, no!" says the physicist.
"Only some Scottish sheep are black."
The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."
Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?
Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck.
Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym?
A: He was destroying his calves.
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.
Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "There's no call for that.
You go right up there and tell him off.
Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.
Vote:
Every day after work two blondes would look for their cars together.
Since they could never remember where they parked, they would sit around until all the cars were gone and they could spot their vehicles.
One blonde says "We need to find a faster way to get home."
The next day, they come to work on a donkey.
After work they come out and see a donkey tied to the fence.
"I think we're going to have to wait again, " says the one blonde.
"I'm not convinced that's our donkey."
"Why not?" asks the second blonde.
The first blonde says, "Well, this donkey only has one a**hole, and this morning when we rode in, I distinctly overhead someone say, "Hey look at those two a**holes on that donkey."