What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full.
What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.
Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party? They gave him the cold shoulder!
Another name for a vagina is a cockpit
Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an orgy with pubic hair in your teeth? A: Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.
This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$. He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally. As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!" Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again. "What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!" Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale? Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
Q: What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that's long and hard? A: A new last name.
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."