Joke #1522

If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.
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"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?" "One dollar." answered little Johnny. "You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
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A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you \$20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
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Johnny, if you had 5\$ and you asked your father for 3\$ more, how many dollars would you have? I would have five dollars... You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny... You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
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A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
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"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested. "Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs???" "You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer. "I'll just put it in my report that she died at the stroke of two."
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Q:What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher? A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work. The philosopher can do without the trash bin.
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A motorist gets caught in an automated speed trap that photographs his car. He later receives a ticket in the mail for \$40 with a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of \$40. A few days later, he gets a letter from the police department with a picture of handcuffs.
Vote: has 76.74 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, car, money