Joke #2713

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"

Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!

Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team? All the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the USA.

One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance; I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here". "Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."

"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy." Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."

What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? "When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!

Did you hear John McEnroe went for an audition for the latest Harry Potter film? They turned him down, saying "You cannot be Sirius!"

Dad shouts ..."STOP WATCHIN P*RN....I CAN HEAR IT IN MY ROOM!" Son: Dad...I am NOT watching p*rn... That is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!

What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down.

Son: "What's love juice daddy?" Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?" Son: "Wimbledon."

After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's ball-related recreational preferences: The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.