The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again." "Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."
How does the LAPD play poker? Four clubs beat a king.
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the lady's room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing their waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.
A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it.
Girl Cop: "You have to right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be used against you." Guy: "Boobs!"
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she called the police to report a suspicious looking person lurking in her mirror.
What did the policeman say to his belly button? You're under a vest!