Why is it called PMS? — Because “Mad Cow Disease” was already taken.
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First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
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The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?"
Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."
Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets.
In her stomach the babies were talking to each other.
The first baby says "I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here".
The second baby says "I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here".
And the last baby says "I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here i'm going to cut it off".
Question: Why did the Army send do many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
Answer: They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting?
Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.
The girl says to the guy; "Honest to God, tell me what you think... Can anyone love me?"
"Yeah, for sure..."
"And then... What are you waiting for...?"
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of Womem"?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes.
And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas.
She’s down to her last $50.
Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"
A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?"
He walks away.
Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table.
Thinking maybe she’d won, he rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd.
The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned.
He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"