What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
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A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
Q: Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
A: Because they're ugly and they stink.
Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.
This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.
This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them.
The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!'
'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?'
Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'"
The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'"
The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whore!'
And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whore? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"
A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment.
They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed.
The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman.
The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off.
The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway.
The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?".
To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon.
That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
Q: What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve?
A: Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.
Vote:
Question: What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
Answer: After five years, your job still sucks.
What’s the difference between a straight woman and a bisexual woman?
4 drinks.
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard.
A woman fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returned to the bar.
The bartender said, "Say, you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth.
How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."
The bartender was puzzled.
"Why? What happened?
He weighed 20 pounds at birth?"
The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."