How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?
Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
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A famous American golfer is invited to go to China for a golfing tournament.
From the second he gets there, he is treated like a king.
He is given five-star treatment in a five-star hotel until the day of the tournament.
The night before the tournament, he is sitting in his hotel room watching TV.
A hot Asian girl walks up to his room and he says, "Wow. They must really love me here."
He begins to have sex with her the whole night.
She continues to scream, "Chung Hoi! Chung Hoi!," but he ignores it.
At the tournament, the American golfer gets a hole-in-one and gets really excited.
He starts yelling, "Chung Hoi! Chung Hoi!"
One of the Chinese golfers says, "What do you mean 'WRONG HOLE'?"
Monica is at the dentist.
Half of her mouth is locked due to anesthesia, the dentist is intensively working.
Monica's mobile phone starts ringing.
Ignoring it four times, the dentist finally answers the phone pissed:
What’s up?
What’s up?, - some man asks.
Dentist:
Who are you?
I’m Monica’s husband
Dentist:
Listen, man, I’m about to finish, she will spit it out and will call you back!!!
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
Q: What is Moby Dick's dad's name?
A: Papa Boner
Girl: Hey wanna know what gets my pussy wet?
Boy: what? ;)
Girl: Toilet water when I shit out a small whale.
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face?
A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Vote:
A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically,so he asked his dad.
His dad said, "Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000."
He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes".
"Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question."
He did and came back and said, "She said yes."
And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing."
He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!"
And the dad said, "Well hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a fag!"