Q: When is the only time you can smack an ugly woman in the face?
A: When her mustache is on fire.
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Are your legs made of Nutella?
Because I'd love to spread them!
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday.
If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Three guys die and go to Hell.
Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?"
"He was a candle maker."
So, Satan burns off the guy's d**k.
Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?"
"He was a rope maker."
So, Satan rips off the guy's d**k with a rope.
Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?"
The guy smiles and says,
"He made lollipops."
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer?
A: Chelsea.
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
North America, few hundred years ago.
An indian is sitting, smokes a pipe.
Breathes in, breathes out.
His son comes up to him:
Daddy, I have a question
Well, what is it?
Why do we have such long names?
Yankees, for example, have much shorter ones - John, Simon, Nicolas and similar.
Our names come from nature.
When your mother was born, there was a wonderful dew, so that is why she is called Fresh Dew.
When your sister was born, there was a brilliant sunset.
So that why she got the name Red Sunset.
So, do you have any more questions, Fucking Bison?
Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
Two boys go into a forest and walk around.
Suddenly they see a naked women, then one of the boys run away.
The other chases after him. The boy asked "Why did u run away?"
The other said "My mom told me if i saw a naked women i'd turn to stone, i already felt something getting getting hard."