Joke #3924

What’s the difference between your wage packet and your trouser packet? You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your wage packet.

Yo mama is so fat when she sat on WALMART she lowered the price.

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"

I’ve just come into some money. I wonder if they’ll still accept it at the shop?

How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.

Q: Why did the Asian cross the road? A: Because he had no car!

‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’ Bob Hope

The teacher asks a student "If you have $5 and billy takes $3, how much do you have left?" The student replies "Not enough for fucking lunch and billy ain't gonna have no got damn teeth left stealing my 3 dollars."

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

We were so poor our mother would send us out with a shopping list to chase the garbage truck.

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"