What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does. Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years. Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer. Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
An internet maniac boy asks his father: Daddy, why do we have five fingers if the mouse has only two buttons?
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it, and two to complain about how bad GE's customer support is.
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Funny facts about Google users: 50% of people use Google well as a search engine. The rest 50% of them use it to check if their internet is connected
Who needs rocks? Windows breaks itself...
Q: How can you tell a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out all over the screen.
Q: What do computers and air conditions have in common? A: They're both become useless when you open windows.
When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem. Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space. They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass. Russia used a pencil.