Joke #4605

A man says to his wife, ‘You know what, two inches more and I’d be king.’ She replies, ‘Two inches less and you’d be queen.’

Little Johnny and a little girl are playing. Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother. The next day Little Johnny and the girl are playing together again. Once again Little Johnny points to his private parts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." But this time the little girl just keeps on playing. "How come you're not crying today," asks Little Johnny. "My mother told me," says the little girl, pulling up her dress, "that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want."

Mary to Jill: ‘My last boyfriend said he fantasised about having two girls at once. Jill: ‘Most men do. What did you tell him?’ Mary: ‘I said, “If you can’t satisfy one woman, why would you want to piss off another one?”’

Camilla goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, whenever one sucks Charlie's cock one gets a stomach ache." The doctor says "Have you tried Andrew's?"

How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed? Her toes curl up when you screw her.

Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.

Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.

John Leslie has been accused of raping a disabled black girl on Blue Peter. He blamed it on dyslexia & said he thought the script said, use sticky black spastic.

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick."

Q: Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night? A: Pastor Bedtime.