Joke #4636

Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.

Q: How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? AA By his net income.

Getting money out of my father was like taking candy from a baby. He used to scream and cry like hell.

A guy drives on the highway and sees a sign that says, "Mississippi State Whorehouse 10 miles." He decides to stop in. A madam answers the door, and the man requests a whore. The madam says, "I'll need $500 first." The man pays, then asks about his whore again. The madam says "Wait for 15 minutes in that hallway. Go straight, left, straight, right, and then go through the door at the end of the hall." He follows the directions, walks out the door and finds himself in the parking lot. His car has a sign on it that says, "Congrats! You've just been screwed by the state of Mississippi!"

Yo Momma is so poor when her friend came over to use the bathroom she said ok, choose a corner.

A worker goes to his boss and says, ‘You have to give me a raise. There are three other companies after me.’ ‘Is that so?’ says the manager. ‘And what companies are those?’ The worker replies, ‘The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.’

Applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be any special problem. He replied that he paid it back right after his first case. When asked how he managed that, he said, "Well, my dad sued me for it and won."

In 2011 someone asked Chuck Norris if he had ever been to Portugal. He answered: "Where?" The country went bankrupt.

‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’ Bob Hope

A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died. The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem. The husband said "ship her home". Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money ?" The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance !"

Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"