Joke #4893

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange trout." "Why's that?" "Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange trout. That's what she'd like for supper tonight."
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When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise. And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?” Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in. When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. “How can you prove to me you’re George W. Bush?” Saint Peter said. Bush replied, “Well heck, I don’t know.” St. Peter says, “Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you’re George W. Bush?” Bush replies, “Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?” St. Peter says, “It must be you, George, c’mon on in.”
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Womens are like computer virus... they ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... when you become an old version DELET you from the system
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What has four legs but can't walk? A chair.
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Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.
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‘I’ve found the secret of eternal youth. I lie about my age.’ Bob Hope How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? One.
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Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters? A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork
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Air traffic controller: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." Airline pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Air Traffic controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?"
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A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
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Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
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1st Eskimo: "Where did your mother come from?" 2nd Eskimo: "Alaska." 1st Eskimo: "Don’t bother, I’ll ask her myself!"
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