A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn." Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was." The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother. Robot for sale...
Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.
Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..
All these Miley Cyrus jokes are whoreable.
The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.
Waiter, what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been, but what is it now?
Where are you going for vacation this year? I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.
Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."
Q: How did the hail stone describe it's life? A: It really has a lot of ups and downs.
Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."
How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad.