If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages. When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife. After two hours, she stopped nagging and said, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
MEN Vs WOMEN 1. MEN discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT. WOMEN discovered paint and invented makeup. 2. Men discovered word and invented conversation. Women discovered conversation and invented gossip. 3. Men discovered gambling and invented cards. Women discovered cards and invented Witchery. 4. Men discovered trading and invented money. Women discovered money and invented shopping. There after Men have discovered and invented lots of things while Women STUCK TO SHOPPING.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.
What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.
If you want to know why men are called the 'opposite sex', express an opinion!
''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here who is feeling, worried, nervous or apprehensive it is probably because you just married John.
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."