Joke #5315

You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, ‘I’ve got some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.’ The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. ‘Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. So, let’s head to the club and have a martini.’ After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, ‘I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.’ The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat. After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, ‘Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??’ ‘Because I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone.’.

Mr. Brown was telling his son a bed-time story. "Once upon a time there was a white bunny..." "Jeez..dad it's boring,what about science fiction?" "Ok,Ok" Mr Brown said. "Once upon a time there was a Bunny who got onto a spacecraft and...." "Dad, a little more grown up!" "Do you promise me not to tell your mom?" asked Mr Brown. " I swear!" "Ok", "Once upon a time there was a naked bunny..."

Some newly-weds arrive to the hotel and the girl very afraid tells her husband: "Honey, I don't know nothing of this, can you help me, please?" I will Honey, starting from this instant, we will call your thing the prison and my thing will we call the prisoner, so... we will put the prisoner in the prison" And they throw the first one. and the guy is laying face up on the bed, but the girl was delighted and tells her husband: "Love, the prisoner is outside the prison!!!" The guy not very delighted tells her: "Lets put him into the prison another time!!" And the second ...but the girl is very sweet-toothed and she tells him: "!! Honey !!!... .The prisoner is out again!!!" The man rises, with the legs like a recently born foal. And they throw the third!!! He is laying on the bed, exhausted and the girl says: "!!! Honey, the prisoner escaped again!!!" And he answers with his last breath: "HEY !, It's not life imprisonment!!

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row. The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?" "Of course the old woman!" The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"

The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.

A patient to his friend: "I am taking rest cure." Friend: "What do you do?" Patient: "I sit every day for three hours in the waiting room of a very busy doctor."

Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?