Joke #5436

Q:Why do women like to have sex with the lights off? A:They can't stand to see a man have a good time!
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has 57.64 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: sex

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A ship goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island. Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived. So they come to this agreement. All of the men will marry the one woman for a week. So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on. Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it. This goes on for five years and everyone is happy. Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week. Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies. The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful. It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
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has 77.49 % from 806 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, desert island, marriage, sex
A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"
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has 62.96 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love, sex, wife
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
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has 50.17 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, flirt, sex
"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'" A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
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has 53.91 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: cop, dirty, gay, sex
Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours. Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour. As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says: Gorgonzola! Wait, it is not on yet.
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has 48.49 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch? A: A whore fucks everybody and a bitch fucks everybody but you.
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has 74.65 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, vulgar, women
Mary, a horny and sexy 23 year old and a handsome, single, sexy doctor Matt have an appointment together. Doctor: Well what's your problem madam? Mary: Well, there's something wrong with my tongue. Doctor: What's wrong with it? Mary: Examine it and you'll see. Doctor: Why don't you just- Mary: EXAMINE IT! Doctor: Fine. (Starts examining tongue, confused as there is nothing wrong with it.) Mary: (Suddenly pushes tongue into Matt's mouth) Doctor: (Pulls out tongue, furiously) Oh, so that's what's wrong with your tongue, eh? It's wanting sex. I see. I can fix that. (Goes to lock door, and rips off all of his clothes) Now your turn. Mary: Wow. I should have just asked. Doctor: (Starts to plunge in and out his dick from Mary's pussy.) Do you wanna make it more enjoyable? Mary: (Moaning and groaning sexually) Ooooooh yes.... Baby..... Yes.... Doctor: Ooooooh it feels SOOO good. (Starts to moan and groan sexually, he suddenly cums) Mary: Aaaaah a baby, fuck me more! Doctor: (Goes on top of Mary) I'm fucking you as hard as I can! When the session is finished, Mary wants to tell Matt something. Mary: That was great. But do you know why you got so aroused before? Doctors: Yes. It was very strange, I was not horny before. Mary: My tongue had viagra powder on it. That's why I put my tongue in your mouth.
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has 49.65 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: doctor, sex, viagra
Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
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has 46.11 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dirty, kids, sex
Are you a shark? Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
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has 44.47 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, flirt, sex
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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has 39.35 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: black humor, sex, women