She is so blonde, when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went back home.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense? "Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say ‘Hello'."
Did you hear about the blonde who thought Doris Day was a national holiday?
Why did the blonde roast a chicken for three and a half days? The instructions said ‘cook it for half an hour per pound’, and she weighed 125.
Most men regard blondes as a golden opportunity.
A blonde is watching a ventriloquist perform at a bar and the ventriloquist, with his dummy, is telling blonde joke after blonde joke, filling the bar with laughter. After several of these jokes, the blonde stands up, infuriated, and yells, "Listen here, jack*ss. Not all blondes are stupid and the jokes need to stop, it is a very cheap way to get laughs." Stunned, the ventriloquist timidly begins to apologize, "Ma'am, I am so sorry. I had no idea I was offending anyone." The blonde replies, "Stay out of this, sir. I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee!"
Three blondes witness a crime so they go to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief shows them the first mug shot. "That's not him," the first blonde states. "This man only has one eye." The chief is stunned. "He only has one eye because it's a profile shot." He repeats the procedure for the second blonde. "That's not him.This man only has one ear," she answers. He smacks his head. "It's a profile shot." He repeats the procedure for the third blonde. After viewing the photo, she says, "That's not him. This man is wearing contact lenses." "How do you know that?" "Well," she says, "he can't wear glasses with only one eye and one ear, now can he?"
Why did the Blonde pee in the Grocery Store? The sign said "Wet Floor."
Blonde 1: Don't tell anyone but Bees scare me. Blonde 2: Dont worry, the whole alphabet scares me
One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling. "What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked. "Tennis balls," answered the man, smiling back. "Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."
Q: How can you tell a blonde's been in your fridge? A: There is lipstick on the cucumber.