A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day.
The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language.
The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home.
When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam."
When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls."
Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner.
When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!"
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A man with a talking parrot is getting married.
On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot "Now look here, I know you are always sat in that window sticking your beak in, when me and my new wife get back from the wedding I want you to turn round and and no matter what you hear I do not want you to turn back or I'll break your neck, do you understand?"
The parrot reluctantly agrees.
On returning from the wedding the parrot turns round as instructed, and behind him the bride and groom start to pack for the honeymoon.
The wife however has packed too much and they can't get the case closed.
"Get on top and sit on it baby!" says the man the woman does so and grunts and moans but can't shut the case.
"You get on top baby it might be better" says the wife, so the man grunts and groans and tries his best but still cant shut the case.
After a little thought the man says "Ok we'll both get on top see if that's any better!"
The parrot turns round and says "Neck or no neck I have to see this!"
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night.
So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson.
She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home.
The man comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face.
He just looks at her and says, ”You don’t scare me I am married to your sister!”’
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to
put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica?
A: He didn't need them any longer his damn wife knows everything.
Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: A bird that will talk your ear off!
Vote:
Q: What's a polygon?
A: A dead parrot.
A young punk gets on the cross-town bus.
He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple, and orange.
His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags.
His legs are bare and he's wearing worn-out shoes.
His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers.
He sits down in the only vacant seat that's directly across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles.
Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man, "What are you looking at you old fart... didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"
Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah, back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore and screwed a parrot....
I thought maybe you were my son.''
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks, "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" the woman said embarrassingly.
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."
He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the lady responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
There was a stunned silence.
Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"