Father and his 13 year old son walk into the pharmacy.
The son sees the boxes of condoms and asks: "What are these dad?"
And the father answers truthfully:
"These, my boy, are called condoms. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh.. i see! the boy answers. They shown them to us at school, in the sex education class."
Then the boy looks at a packet with 3 condoms in it and asks: "Why does this one have only 3 in it dad?"
"This, son is for high-school kids: One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
Then the boy looks at another packet that has 6 inside.
"What about this one? Why does it have 6 in?"
"This is for college students: Two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday."
Then the kid sees that packet with 12 inside and with great wonder asks: "And this one dad, with 12 inside?"
His father sighs and explains to him: "These my boy, are for married people. One for January, one for February…"
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There was a father who called his 5 small children together.
As the sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle.
He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them.
He asked them "who is the most obedient?"
Five sets of eyes looked up at him.
Sensing that they didn’t understand the word he then asked, "ok, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?"
One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father. "You win!" exclaimed the child.
"Mommy! Do Angels fly?"
"Yes, they do my love!"
"Then, when will our nanny fly? Dad calls her 'My Angel' all the time!"
"Tomorrow, my child, she'll fly as far as she goes..."
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby.
The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.”
A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.”
The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.
Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.
Surprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean?
The blonde girlfriend replied all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!'
Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.
The first declares: “I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter”s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn’t even know that she smoked!”
“It gets worse than that,” says the second mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn’t even know that she drank!”
“Oh, it gets even worse than that,” says the third mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and you”ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn’t even know that she had a penis!”
One day,little Timmy was at school and heard the word “shit”.
He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him “coats and jackets”.
Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word “fucking”, and for a second time, asked his father what it meant.
His father promptly said “cooking”.
Then,he returned to school the third day and heard the words “bitches and hoes”.
He went home and his father told him it meant “grandpa and grandma”.
Later,on Thanksgiving night,his grandparents came over.
Timmy answered the door with glee and says: “Hey bitches and hoes! I’ll take your shit to the closet cause dad’s in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
Vote:
This little kid is walking up the street with his Daddy.
They see two dogs going at it.
The little kid says "Hey daddy what are those doggies doing?"
The father says "Ahh, they're making a puppy."
That night the little kid walks in on his mother & father and daddy's on top driving it home to mama!
The little kid says "Hey daddy what were you doing with Mommy?"
He says "Oh, were making it a baby."
The kid say "Turn her over, I want a puppy!"
One Sunday morning,a little girl and her mother go to church.
Halfway through, the little girl tells her mother she's going to be sick.
Her mother tells her to go in the bushes behind the church.
The girl leaves and comes back after about five minutes.
Her mother asks her if she threw up.
"Yes," the girl says.
"But I didn't have to go all the way "round the back.
There was a box near the front door that said "For the Sick."
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull."
The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on.
"If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick."
The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?"
The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."