Joke #7571

Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common? A: After a night of visiting children, they both have empty sacks.

It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift. The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers". "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him. The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy." "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also. The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked. "No," said the little girl. So she tasted it again. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "Noooo," replied the little girl, "It's a puppy."

What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school? I'll see you next period.

How is parsley like pubic hair? You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.

What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.

I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night. I snuck up behind an older lady, started fucking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad. I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum." He said, "I'm not."

Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."

If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.

How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count? Eminem has to chew before swallowing.

What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.

A guy walks into a store. He goes up to the clerk and holds up his hand. In his hand he's holding a big pile of crap. He looks at the clerk with the biggest expression of relief and says, "Whew, that was close. Look what I almost stepped in."