How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the toilet. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
Q: What's brown and taps on the window? A: A baby in a microwave!
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.
What's red and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a razor blade.
Q: What's worse then finding 10 zombie babies in a garbage can? A: Finding one zombie baby in 10 garbage cans.
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.