How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night? He controls himself.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Men are like.....Department Stores. Their clothes should always be half off.
How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!." "No worries," replies the clerk. "We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs." "Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent. With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen. In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen. She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing?" she asks. "Well," says the husband. "If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."
Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.
Six nuns are washing themselves all together when the doorbell rings. One nun goes to the door and says 'who is it?' An elderly gentleman replies "It's the blind man from the village" so the nun shouts to the others, "don't worry it's just the blind man from the village, I'll let him in." She lets him in and goes "how can we help?" The gent replies "I'm just going to go measure your blinds, but nice tits"
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them.