Q: Why did the blonde climb on to the roof?
A: Someone told her the drinks were on the house.
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A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy!
Daddy!
Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!
What’s blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette…?
A blonde doing cartwheels.
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted, without prior experience or lessons.
She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.
She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager, runs out to unplug the horse.
Vote:
A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman.
The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied,
"I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off."
The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told.
While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground.
As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor.
The hair dresser was very confused.
She picked up the head phones and listened.
This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out..."!
Q: What does a blonde do when it gets cold?
A: Sits around a candle
Q: What does she do when it gets really cold?
A: Lights it
A small company recently hired a new blonde secretary who certainly wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.
One day while she was typing, she turned to another secretary and said, “What do I do now? I’m almost out of typing paper.”
“Just use the copier machine paper,” replied the other secretary.
With that, the blonde took her last remaining blank sheet of typing paper, placed it on the photocopier and proceeded to make ten blank copies.
Once a blonde went to the library to get a book.
A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"
A blonde buys a used sports car.
However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop.
The blonde calls a tow truck.
The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again.
"What was the matter?" she asks.
"Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies.
Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"
Vote:
What do blondes put behind their ears to attract men?
Their knees.