Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't. Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help. So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"
Knock Knock! Who's there? Zany Zany who? Zany body home?
The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.
While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess." The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
Light was heard saying to his son, "Keep practicing and one day you will be faster than the speed of Usain."
Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In a stork?
Knock Knock! Who's There? Figs Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it's broken!