4-year-old: Why are you my dad? Me: Because I made you. 4: How? Me: ... 4: O.o Me: ... 4: O.O Me: With Legos.
Father: Which one do you love more , me or Mommy? Son: I love you both. Father: Very Well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to? Son: Japan. Father: See, that you love Mommy more than me? Son: No, I just want to visit Japan. Father: Very well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to? Son: France. Father: See? Son: No its just because I have already visited Japan.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother. He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother." One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly. The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother. He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp." Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?" "Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
Q: What is the most confusing day in Harlem? A: Father's Day.
Should women have children after 35? "No, 35 children are enough!"
I think my sons gay...I took off the seat of his bike, and he didn't notice.
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!