The best sex jokes

Q: What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? A: Boo-bees.
Vote: has 62.89 % from 335 votes. Send joke: email
One day God came down and said to three guys that the less you cheat on your wives the better the cars you'll get in heaven. So the first guy went to heaven after cheating on his wife 67 times and he got a Mercedes. The second guy went to heaven and had cheated on his wife 2 times and he got a Ferrari, then the third guy went to heaven and said that he had never cheated on his wife and he got a Bentley. Then one day the third guy was all sad and depressed and the first and second guys asked him what was wrong and the third guy said, "I saw my wife the other day" and the first guy said "yeah, so" and the third guy said " she was riding a skateboard."
Vote: has 62.82 % from 206 votes. Send joke: email
‘Its been a rough day. I put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.’ Rodney Dangerfield
Vote: has 62.47 % from 109 votes. Send joke: email
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific s*x life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
Vote: has 62.43 % from 19 votes. Send joke: email
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
Vote: has 62.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke: email
A voice inside said to me: ”Calm down, you are not the first doctor who sleeps with his patient!” And another voice answered: ”but you are a veterinarian!”
Vote: has 62.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke: email
A 6 year old boy asks his daddy: Daddy, where did I come from to this life? You were brought by a stork. That's strange, you have such a pretty wife, but nevertheless you're fucking a stork.
Vote: has 62.17 % from 129 votes. Send joke: email
Your best friend has three girlfriends. Their names are Doe, Ray, and Me. All 3 want to do something special so they set up some dates. Three days ago Doe kisses him. Two days ago Ray gives him vaginal sex. Yesterday, who sucks his dick?
Vote: has 61.57 % from 1267 votes. Send joke: email
A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"
Vote: has 61.48 % from 22 votes. Send joke: email
A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks: Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg? There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?
Vote: has 61.16 % from 208 votes. Send joke: email

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