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The best sex jokes

A man is out shopping when he discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. He buys a pack and shows his wife. ‘They’re in three colours,’ he tells her, ‘Gold, silver and bronze.’ ‘So what colour are you going to wear tonight?’ she asks. ‘Gold of course,’ replies the man. ‘Why don’t you wear silver?’ replies his wife. ‘It would be nice if you came second for a change!’
Vote: +1-1 has 70.02 % from 228 votes. Send joke: email

Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
Vote: +1-1 has 69.85 % from 451 votes. Send joke: email

Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose," she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?"
Vote: +1-1 has 69.75 % from 488 votes. Send joke: email

A desperate man goes to the doctor because he can't get a hard-on. He says " Doc I can't live without sex, I need the use of my equipment back!! " The Doc says " There is an experimental procedure where the mucles of a baby elephants' trunk are removed and implanted in your penis, this gives you the full use of your penis." Great I'll do it. Some time after the procedure, the man is at dinner with his date. He feels a rustle in his pants. So he just ignored it. It happens again. So he figured it just needed some air. So he unzips his pants to let it out. The problem seemed to go away until his penis reached up onto the table, grabbed a roll and disapeared back under the table. His date stared in complete awe and said " Can you do that again". He said " Probally but I don't think I could fit another roll up my ass."
Vote: +1-1 has 69.74 % from 301 votes. Send joke: email

Q: How do you find a blind man at a nude beach? A: It’s not hard.
Vote: +1-1 has 69.66 % from 293 votes. Send joke: email

The four words most hated by men during sex? ‘Is it in yet?’
Vote: +1-1 has 69.47 % from 694 votes. Send joke: email

"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
Vote: +1-1 has 69.45 % from 817 votes. Send joke: email

Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
Vote: +1-1 has 69.14 % from 200 votes. Send joke: email

"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?" "Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!" The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife. So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild sex in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!" The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."
Vote: +1-1 has 68.69 % from 183 votes. Send joke: email

Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife... A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Vote: +1-1 has 68.61 % from 245 votes. Send joke: email


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