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The best sex jokes

A doctor asks a patient while examining her: How many sex partners did you have? 5 or 6, don't remember exactly.. Hmm, not that many... Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend.
Vote: +1-1 has 66.37 % from 257 votes. Send joke: email

A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?” “1956,” was his reply. “No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!” “I’m not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, ”It’s only 2014 now.”
Vote: +1-1 has 66.28 % from 130 votes. Send joke: email

Dad, what happens if a condom tear? Look at yourself...
Vote: +1-1 has 66.19 % from 319 votes. Send joke: email

A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed. Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?" The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell." But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked. The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Alright!" creid the man. "Do you like drinking?" the demon asked. "Yeah!" The man answered. "Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Sweet!" cried the man. "Are you gay?" asked the demon. The man frowned and said: "No." The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."
Vote: +1-1 has 65.83 % from 102 votes. Send joke: email

Man to friend: ‘I read a survey that said half the men in the UK masturbate in the shower, and the other half sing. Do you know what they sing?’ Friend: ‘No I don’t.’ Man: ‘I thought you wouldn’t.’
Vote: +1-1 has 65.67 % from 239 votes. Send joke: email

A man was telling his wife that he wanted to go to this country in which women paid men twenty dollars every time they had sex. She replied, "I do too!" He gets confused and asks why. She tells him, "I'd like to see how long you can last on forty dollars a month."
Vote: +1-1 has 65.56 % from 88 votes. Send joke: email

Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving? A: “Thanks for coming!”
Vote: +1-1 has 65.37 % from 510 votes. Send joke: email

‘Its been a rough day. I put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.’ Rodney Dangerfield
Vote: +1-1 has 65.24 % from 186 votes. Send joke: email

Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'
Vote: +1-1 has 65.03 % from 256 votes. Send joke: email

One day a girl was with her mom in the park and saw two teens having sex on the bench. The little girl asked her mom, "Mommy, what are they doing?" The mom was blushing and replied, "Oh their making cakes." The next day the girl and the mom went to the zoo and saw two monkey having sex. The little girl asked again, "Mommy, what are they doing?" Again the mother replied, "Oh their making cakes." The next day, the little girl confronted her mom, "Mommy, I know you and daddy we’re making cakes last night." The mom was frightened and asked, "How did you know?" The little girl replied, "I licked the icing off the couch! It was good too!"
Vote: +1-1 has 64.81 % from 86 votes. Send joke: email


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