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The best sex jokes

A man is out shopping when he discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. He buys a pack and shows his wife. ‘They’re in three colours,’ he tells her, ‘Gold, silver and bronze.’ ‘So what colour are you going to wear tonight?’ she asks. ‘Gold of course,’ replies the man. ‘Why don’t you wear silver?’ replies his wife. ‘It would be nice if you came second for a change!’
Vote: +1-1 has 70.20 % from 255 votes. Send joke: email

Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
Vote: +1-1 has 70.18 % from 481 votes. Send joke: email

A 6 year old boy asks his daddy: Daddy, where did I come from to this life? You were brought by a stork. That's strange, you have such a pretty wife, but nevertheless you're fucking a stork.
Vote: +1-1 has 69.89 % from 281 votes. Send joke: email

Q: What's a man's definition of safe sex? A: When his wife's out of town.
Vote: +1-1 has 69.87 % from 338 votes. Send joke: email

Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
Vote: +1-1 has 69.82 % from 230 votes. Send joke: email

Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose," she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?"
Vote: +1-1 has 69.69 % from 515 votes. Send joke: email

Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife... A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Vote: +1-1 has 69.53 % from 274 votes. Send joke: email

The four words most hated by men during sex? ‘Is it in yet?’
Vote: +1-1 has 69.39 % from 723 votes. Send joke: email

A Koala and a Prostitiute had just finished having sex, so the Prostitute said, " All right, now give me my money!" The Koala replied, " Money, what for?" " What for?", the Prostitute growled, "Look up Prostitute in the dictionary and read what it says." So the Koala looked up prostitute in the dictionary. It said, "Prostitute- A woman who is paid to have sex." " Okay," said the Koala, " now you look up Koala in the dictionary, and read what it says." So the Prostitute looked up Koala in the dictionary. It said, "Koala- A furry animal who eats bush, then leaves."
Vote: +1-1 has 69.32 % from 258 votes. Send joke: email

"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
Vote: +1-1 has 69.32 % from 844 votes. Send joke: email


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