A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex.
He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her.
All these years she had no clue.
One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo.
She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!"
He said, "Explain the kids!" 
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George W. Bush and Bill Clinton both decided to have biographies written about them.
George called him "The Three Most Powerful Men - Bush, Dick, and Colon".
Bill called his "Sex Between the Bushes"
Vote:
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a
lovely bouquet of roses.
Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a
suspicious look when he handed her the flowers.
"I suppose," she said, "that now you expect
me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread."
"Why?" said the young man.
"Don't we have a vase?"
What do a gynecologist, and a pizza delivery guy have in common?
They both can smell it, but they can't eat it!
We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows...
You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
A lady tells her husband, “My gynecologist said I can’t have sex for two weeks.”
He replies, “What did your dentist say?”
In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.
Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle.
What's your age?
70.
You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause...
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted.
I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."